:D

so i spent the evening with wrush. we met at marine drive and walked down the place and did some of the regular stuff. now usually, i go crazy about the buildings, the architecture, the feel of the place and start hugging pillars and walls out of sheer love. but today, was different.

we were sitting in a coffee shop discussing yoga, and meditation, and there were these kids, street urchins, looking in from outside the window , trying to catch someone's attention to beg some food. they looked so forlorn from inside the brightly lit cafe, that i took a photograph, expecting an interesting frame. and before i knew it, those little faces haggard and sorry, suddenly broke into these big grins as they forgot what they were doing, and got terribly interested in being photographed :D.

so i went out, and made them stand together and took a couple of photographs. after every photograph, they'd come running to me to take a look at how it looks, and laugh animatedly, and run back to pose differently. of course, most of the photographs are blurred, 'coz they'd run back to me as soon as i even managed to frame them right and click.


and then this other kid joined them, out of nowhere, and stood there with them looking shy and curious. this was a 1 or 1.5yrs old toddler, again a street urchin, whose dad was walking her home i guess. so i took a couple of her photographs as well.

the look on the kids faces after seeing their photographs totally made my day :D, even though most of the photographs i got are just a well focussed wall, and a kid in motion streaking past :D.


love them to bits :).

to her.

reading her blog was like reading her thoughts. like following a disturbed shoal of fish under crystal clear river water. strange things happen when you know a person, and then you really see into her.

it wasnt a surprise as such. she's always been an open book. but the intimacy of reading her thinking aloud... the first hand experience, like thinking her thoughts while reading them, and actually being in her head... built a strange bond inside me. i'll never see her the same way i used to. she's more than just a person i'm friends with. she's someone i know, really.

her words are like her thoughts. she insists on staying real. always judging herself, against her own opinions. she is in an eternal conflict with her own idea of what she wants to be. a little sure, a little baffled, unaffected by conventional reality, living inside her own head, dreaming big dreams.

i read through her posts. most of them about how she's unable to, or how she did, and what she intends to do, and how she deals with it. she's always worried, about how the conventions expect her not to experiment where she wants to. she's worried about how she'll never do it because it'll never be accepted. she's worried about how terribly she is concerned about this. and she frets.

she romances her life. she insists she isn't a romantic. but the romantic is unmistakable in her. she's very demanding, of herself, and people around her. it frustrates her when she can't relate to the people around her. and it frustrates her more, when they insist she's the same as they.

:) she's so real. and yet such a muddled little mug. you feel like getting in there, and sorting the threads out. easing the knots open, and freeing her thoughts. and its a scary feeling. like manipulation. you invariably end up thinking what if somebody did that to you? and you stop reading into her mind, and get out. let words be words, and not threads of her thought. and you smile to yourself, and say, she's special...but you dont want her to know it.


to the anonymous girl. you're much loved.

tonight

Its 2.30 in the night. the sky's black, the clouds wispy gray, the street lights a brilliant ochre, and the roads gleaming black, orange and silver. the air is cool, and humid. the roads are all deserted, and open wide as you drive headlong.

(i think i'm in love with bombay again. you know how it is, when you're burning out, your passions are sucked out hollow, when you're tired day in and day out, and then, when you least expect it, you feel a few seconds of infinite peace and pure love braided in a moment... and all the fatigue just goes. i felt it. today. tonight. right now.

its fading now. i'd lived it. and its staying on, like a memory, that's irretrievably woven into my conscience.)

tonight, is like a poem. i saw the moonlight stepping nimbly on the sea. i felt the waves sweep gusts of breeze at me. i could even hear the clouds swishing past each other when i put my ear to it. every pore on my skin opened up to breathe in the cool air around.

and this poem i found.. it fits so beautifully..

Like a joy on the heart of a sorrow,
The sunset hangs on a cloud;
A golden storm of glittering sheaves,
Of fair and frail and fluttering leaves,
The wild wind blows in a cloud.

Hark to a voice that is calling
To my heart in the voice of the wind:
My heart is weary and sad and alone,
For its dreams like the fluttering leaves have gone,
And why should I stay behind?

- Sarojini Naidu.

my heart's full. and eyes brimming with tears.

oh, solitary moment.

reminisce

Today's a beautiful sunny sunday morning. there's a cool breeze blowing, a freshly brewed warm honey ginger black tea, and steaming maggi-my-style on a plate beside me.

i've been reading this amazing book called Ada or Ardor by nabokov. what its about i'l prolly blog about later. but damn, did the book trigger a reminisce!

so, i've been thinking of all the things i miss.

i miss being heady in love with bombay. i miss rushing to VT almost every evening and waiting under platform "3" for rama to come pick me up, so we could go explore places around. i miss living with him. i miss all that we used to have here. wish we could start again, sooner.

i miss punnu, and all the crazy things we used to do as roomies. nothing beats a best girlfriend flatmate.

i miss punnu, with sudy :)), and the hilarious discussions we used to have on the most embarrassing personal stuff.

i miss romit, and the crazy times we had driving down to bandstand at 1 in the night just for the kicks. i miss dragging him to the movies, to lunches, to random un-planned outings which always turned out to be super fun just 'coz he had such an awesome sense of humour, every place would come alive.

i miss the crazy shopping sprees at hill road, bandra with nup.

i miss the silly balaberts me and jai would make on white boards in office.

i miss bala's ever smiling, ever optimistic happy-child attitude.

i miss archi and her dogged support, in spite of my volatile mood swings. :(. hard to find her kind.

i miss Pranav, and the trippy discussions we have had in the past. some going on for over 4 hours!

I miss ajay, and his french classes. i miss watching the rains with him on the AF porch with a hot cup of coffee from the canteen. he's always been there for me, through thick and thin. one of my favourite people. and one of my closest friends.

i miss abhi, n G. though they've hardly ever been around for most part.

i miss J. really, really miss him. its not easy to find someone who's so similar, you might almost be each other's mirror-reflections.

i miss s'lush, af, prash, spand, vid..and all the bumming we did in hyd.

i miss arj.:(. strange how it surprises me still to realize that he's prolly my best and closest friend.

i miss B too. but more for his past self. i dont even recognize him now.

i miss fat slob. been long since i had the kind of fun we used to have in hyd, or the kinda time we had in Bombay for that matter. he'll always be special, even if only as a past memory of the time we spent together.

I miss the CS team from Shaw. never been happier at work, than i was when with them.

i miss avan, and what she used to be.

i miss V. wish things were simpler. and bridges not the dark, complicated, and difficult mazes they'd become betn us.


its amazing to think about the stuff i've done in the past :D. and the kind of people i've known. some i still do, and are a part of my life. some i have left behind, and our paths may never cross again. and some, are now family :)!

...so, i'll end it here. and go catch a movie.

new friends made at work and another rabbit hole found.

Off i go!

chez moi!

...and we have internet at home again. not that i needed it, (but for the occasional lost urge to fill in a blog post), and now i cant do without it. strange how availability breeds need.

so i joined the gym today. they have big plans for me. for the first time in my life i weighed 50kgs on the weigh-scale. feels heavy. the last trek i went on showed me how impossibly inflexible my body has become, and how my stamina is giving up on me. wake up calls are scary :/.

oh! i'm engaged (to be married :P)! its bloody strange how grown up that makes you feel. its like i'm finally starting sumpn important with my life, and boy, what a start! i got impossibly drunk within 2 hours of getting engaged :D and tottered home without a care :D. i even stripped poor P and flirted with S, downing shot after shot :D, and all this wearing a kanjeevaram silk sari!

AND i watched inglourious bastards (the spelling mistake is NOT my fancy). brilliant movie! Tarantino movies never fail to give you the kicks :D

ack! hunger pangs.

see you later, alligator. (trippy song!)

vertigo

2 days back, i was 3700 mts above sea level. 24 hours of pure bliss; thick, dark, forests (towering over and around, viscous like the devil, nourishing and smothering; like a million raindrops beating down on you. like the silence inside quicksand); white, white all-enveloping-cotton-ball clouds; fresh mountain winds; hunger pangs, charas highs; lush greens and lofty jagged rocky peaks; wet socks, shoes, hair; cold to the bone, fevered in the head; aching body, dew-fresh mind.

the good ol' sparky (always finds me).

i dont know where to start. or what to say either.

maybe writing a blogpost at 4 in the morning isn't such a great idea.

or maybe its just this beautiful sparky puppet-playing my thoughts.

ah, the solitude....


to arj. i know, now :D

i can't feel the ground beneath my feet!!

on the road.

so here i am, back on a trip.

after months of working the deadlines, deliveries and project-start-project-ends, i've finally found the time to take off.

mood's upbeat, day's bright, backpack's strapped, life's good.

Posting from jaipur today. got a train from here to Chakki Bank (almost pathankot) in the evening.

so i'm packing my stuff. hmm, lemme check:

Book. yeah! this always figures first!i cnt think of going anywhere without one. so m packing two - on the road by jack kerouac (trippy as crazy!!and m almost finished reading it) and Engleby, by Sebastian Faulks. the second m yet to start.

Lonely Planet. (No, it doesn't qualify under books.). its a better travel companion than a human. it gives me the right information when i SEEK it. throws its weight around (it IS making a significant weight addition to my luggage), yeah, but hell, it makes darned good travel mate.

socks. (from past experience.) a dry pair of socks make me happier than anything else can. no debating that one.

Sleeping bag. bed-bugs-horror stories, sticky train berths, the comfort of knowing you can sleep anywhere anytime. :). ah! imagine sleeping under the sky, on soft damp grassy earth. hmm... :) ESSENTIAL.

camera. for the intriguing seduction of photography. for capturing moments i'd like not to let memory tamper with. for all the beauty in the world.

bandana. to keep my hair from being tugged, pulled out and torn off my skull in frustration. i cannot complain enough about my hair :(. its almost like a sissy girlfriend, who insists on attention and looking-after. bloody pain!

neosporin: my all-healing ointment. i love it. its cured every burn, scratch, wound i have ever had on me. and its just a little tube. magic ointy.

:P oh yeah, clothes, ofcourse. uhm, 2 jeans (wearing one.), 3 T shirts, the works.

done. and my backpack now weighs... 10kgs! again :/. whatever. oh!so i bought this amazing backpack, 38Lts, grey and sunshine-on-egg-yolk yellow and m so in love. my bright little faithful co-bum. everything fits in! and how it hugs my back and distributes the weight!

oh what crazy love :D, my own private family: faithful old shoes, an all-accomodating backpack, a happy bandana, a keen eyed camera, oh, and my dandy socks, and my books! (mad conversationists these books are!!)

i feel complete :D

so hell, off i go now.

i wasnt even in the mood to write a post today. but having internet at home brings on a compulsive urge to use it, and use it well. so there.

right- ho!